It’s time for a change, whether you feel comfortable with it or not.

How do you do with the discomfort of change?

An important question because if you are not happy with how things are but resist changing, where will that leave you?

The ability to accept change, embrace change and desire change can be very helpful.

There are some areas that we might find more difficult to allow and cause change than other areas.

Do you ever fall into a pattern of the type of thinking where you rest on your laurels because it’s more uncomfortable to change than it is to stay in whatever situation you find yourself in?

Maybe it’s time to learn Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP, meta-programs.

The “Sameness” Meta-Program

There are three basic types or modes of operation when it comes to the topic of change. You have one extreme, and that is NOT wanting to change. That is called “sameness.”

Sameness is a meta-program of the mind.

The “Difference” Meta-Progam

And then there is the other extreme. The desire to create a lot of variety and change and constant difference. This is called “difference.”

So you have the meta-program called sameness and the opposite meta-program called difference that are the two extremes.

Depending on the context, sometimes it makes sense to keep things the same. In other contexts, difference makes sense.

What’s interesting about the difference is that a person using this meta-program of the mind will want difference for the sake of difference. That’s the motivation. He or she wants something different.

The “Improvement” Meta-Program

There is another mode in between the two extremes of sameness and difference. It’s in the middle of the continuum. This person will desire change as long as that change is better. It has to be at least as good, if not better. So it’s called the “improvement” meta-program.

For example, you ask, “Why did you move into this house?”

The person’s answer is, “This house has less of a payment amount than the other house. Or, it has less yard work. Less noise.”

This meta-program is for the sake of improvement.

Another example. Why are you eating that food now?

“This food has fewer carbs.”

So you’ve changed your diet?

“Well, I’ve improved it. I eat fewer carbs, or less fat, or less whatever. Or I eat more protein.”

This person is looking for an evolution of improvement. Where the difference meta-program is looking more for a revolution instead of an evolution.

And then there’s those that want the traditional same tried and tested. Same, same, same.

Three NLP Meta-Programs

Now the NLP term for this meta-program is sameness on one side of the continuum and at the other extreme is difference. In the middle is either what they call “same with exception” or “different with exception.” Those in the middle of the continuum are all about improvement.

So in the housing market or in the job market, if you tolerate a job for ten to fifteen years without any variation needed, you’re on the extreme side of the continuum called sameness.

If you like a new position or a new job or an entirely new way of doing things every two to three years, you are what we call in the meta-program of difference.

And then the “same with exception” is when a person wants a change every five to seven years.

And the meta-program of “difference with exception” is to have a change every eight to ten years.

Context Sensitive

So, which one of those is the very best?

It depends on the context.

For example, when you look at some bodybuilders and they look ripped. They often tell you not only is their diet strict, but it also is the same boring thing day after day. They use sameness as a discipline to keep their macros and other ratios right where they need to be.

This is context-driven thinking. It depends. It depends. It depends.

Examples

Here’s another example of an extreme. There are some people that will change their hairstyle constantly. They get bored with it quickly, and then, of course, there are those that never want to change their hairstyle.

There are some of us listening to the music we listened to in high school. We never want our music to change. And, that’s fine if you make a living playing the guitar for a band that plays those oldies but you might be missing out on things too. It is said that variety is the spice of life. You might be missing out on some expansion and openness

The more we go towards difference, the more we tend to be open-minded. So the ability to go there depends on the context.

This meta-program having to do with change can be a big problem when we are looking for a good quality of life.

There are some people who have had a big loss in their life and they have this train of thought that they’re wanting to run a meta-program of sameness for their emotional state of grief. That can keep us stuck for a long time. Sometimes, too long.

Identify Your Meta-Program

You can check any context to see what meta-program you are using in that context. This can be done with just one question. Make the discovery and then you can see if that matches up with your logical brain that says it makes perfectly good sense to use an opposing meta-program in that case.

Let’s turn to the food example again. Let’s say a person reads statistics that indicate that people that can tolerate and be happy with food that is quite the same quite often do well with their body fat ratios. Let’s say they read statistically through many studies and they buy into the concept that if you eat your basic elements, and you stick to them, that discipline will cause you to get your body fat ratios down very quickly and very easily and stay there.

Somebody came to me and they had me watch this video of this lady, an older lady, and she was saying one of her secrets is she doesn’t need a lot of variety in her food. She’s not a foodie. She’s not all caught up in food. Her diet is simple. She says it’s these basic eating habits that work for her and so she just does the lather, rinse, repeat process again and again with her diet.

Here’s another example. There are cultures that say they grieve the death of their loved one for one day. One day and it’s over. It doesn’t matter if it’s their wife, their husband, their child, their mother, their father, or their pet. That’s what the culture has taught them. So that’s what they put in their head.

At least logically, it sounds like that would be a little bit better than being from a culture that says, I’ve got to mourn for four years.

“Oh, yeah. Why aren’t you dating?”

“Well, I want to be true to my husband.”

Wow. He’s been gone for two years!

“It’s not long enough. We loved each other.”

Okay, so let’s think about one area where you want to see where you are with this meta-program of change. Maybe just out of curiosity.

Can you remember the last time you ate out?

Please take a second to remember it.

Okay. Now that you have that memory think about the time you ate out before that.

The Identifying Question

Okay, here’s the question: What’s the relationship between the last time you ate out and the one before that?

Let’s say you say something like, “A lot of times I was eating with people that I love. Both restaurants had good service.”

In this context, you would be indicating that you are using the sameness meta-program.

Use the Most Appropriate Meta-Program

But remember, it’s just a program of the mind and meta-programs can be tweaked to serve you.

Think of this example. If I’m running a spreadsheet, and you tell me to write a letter to my girlfriend right now. And so I start writing it in a spreadsheet. You would say to me, “What are you doing?”

“I’m writing a letter to my girlfriend.”

“Why are you using the spreadsheet?”

I answer, “Well, I could write in it. See, it says, “Dear Sweetheart,”

And you say, “No, no, no.” You say, “Use this; it’s called a word processor. See. It puts things into paragraphs and makes everything beautiful. You can change the font, etc.”

“Oh,” I say, “I didn’t know about that program.”

“You didn’t know. But now you do. Notice the quality of the letter-writing now.”

So sameness is a meta-program that you are running in your head. If you run one of the difference meta-program, you’ll be able to do the other things comfortably and effectively.

Running a limiting program can get in the way. Sameness can be limiting.

That’s my job as a coach. I’m here to tell people constantly, “Stop limiting yourself. I want you to get the best out of your life.”

I can’t tell you how many people come to me and say, “I want my life the way it was. I don’t like the changes.”

Change Can Be Good

And I say, “Change is inevitable.”

“Well, I don’t like it. I want it the way it was.”

“You can’t be in college anymore. You’re 48 years old. You can’t be in that same frat with those same buddies. It’s different now. Change with the times. Please, let me show you how.”

Allow me to ask you this question. What is the danger in bettering your life?

Notice, I didn’t ask you what’s the danger in trying to better your life and failing. I’m asking what’s the danger in having a better life. Period.

You wake up and say, “I never used to do this. Why was I running on a treadmill?”

I want you to make a conscious decision about what you want to do. For example, I want to get my six-pack abs.

What’s wrong with having them?

“Well, I don’t want to work too hard to get them.”

Okay, but what if you don’t have to work too hard? What if it just comes naturally? What if you enjoy doing what it takes to get him?

That’s what we’re talking about here. Take the fear of failure aside for a minute and let’s just look at it this way.

How uncomfortable is it for you to think of your life where you’re doing things effectively with great satisfaction, feeling like you really are lapping up life, like a cat drinking milk out of a saucer and that you are loving it? What’s the danger in that? What’s the bad thing about that? Why would we prevent ourselves from that?

It May Be a Meta-Program Issue

There has to be a reason. If it feels uncomfortable, it could simply be a meta-program issue. This may be the reason why. You may simply be running the sameness meta-program.

So this is something you may be able to do right now.

Please, get a piece of paper out, and draw a stick figure of yourself on the left side of the paper. Then draw a stick figure of a future you on the right.

Safety Issues

Write the letters PS, which means Present State, over the top of that stick figure on the left, and on the right side of the paper, write the leters DS, which stands for desired state on top of that one.

On the left, draw a straight line across for the mouth, and on the one on the stick figure on the right draw a smile. Draw the stick figure with his leg up as if he’s taking a step up and with his hands up in the air as if he is victorious. Draw a loop over both of them. Write the term, “They’re both safe.” Then write three steps on the bottom of the page that may take to get from the left DS to the right PS.

These are steps that allow you to run either the evolution to the revolution meta-programs, instead of the meta-program of sameness.

Draw Pictures, Get a Change

Do this in three areas of your life. It may be in your health, it may be in your income, and it may be in your daily habits. Whatever you want… three things.

The reason why you’re drawing your stick figures with the smiles, and if you could do something else like maybe have him or her in a colorful shirt on the right or anything that represents that he’s doing something different than he wouldn’t normally do. You do this so that your mind can picture it creatively and get committed to learning the other meta-programs unconsciously.

Think about it. What if it’s just a different meta-program that is needed and that’s all that is needed. It doesn’t mean you have to do anything uncomfortable, or that puts you in a stressful situation or a challenging situation that can bring up any kind of disappointing sense of failure.

Perhaps it’s just a matter of you doing things differently. That’s all.

Draw these simple stick figure PS to DS pictures and ask yourself, “Do I have permission to use these automatically now that I know about these other meta programs?”

When you get an internal, “Yes!” You may be surprised what happens.

Change!